Frost

Here in Plymouth we have some frost and by our standards it is very cold. But listening to the news, so many other areas of the country have heavy snow and chaos on the roads and councils unable to cope. We've yet to go through the worst months of January and February.

My children would love it to snow here but as for me, I'm grateful that its just cold and frosty. I do remember sledging down the fields of my home village in Wales and loving every minute, so I do feel a little sad for my two. It was, I remember, great fun.

Now, I'm older and what I see is the beauty of the Seasons. Winter is not my favourite, I dont like the cold, but nature is full of grace whatever the season.



Missing My Personal Blog

A Wind Instrument

Over the Summer months I enjoyed writing my Blog every day ...musing over stuff ... uploading my photos ..... but since I've had to start a College Professional Blog its just not the same. Now I have to write about the lectures I attend, the workshops I take part in and other relevant college events. Its much more restricting and I think that I will return to my personal blog instead.

I am a little worried about my motivation at college this year ... I'm wondering if last year was more to prove to myself that I could actually learn at a Higher Educational Level, and I did do that. I enjoyed every minute of my journey and thought that that enthusiasm would contine, but alas....this year the spark seems to have left me, I dont enjoy the technical side of photography, I mainly enjoy the creative, but the technical, rather than enhancing my learning, actually feels as though it is hindering me, I have such difficulty with the processes.

Maybe this is because all term I seem to have been plagued by ill health ...oh nothing serious just a generally being "out of sorts" ..an abcess and then and one cold after another. I believe in the mind and body being connected and as I am not feeling very happy then it stands to reason that physically I am no in 'tip top' condition!  I'm trying to fathom out what I am going to do about all of this. Part of me says this is a wonderful opportunity and I should really make a big effort to appreciate it and do everything I can to enjoy it. The other part of me just wants to give up.

I wont give up just yet ... I have to keep trying and I am really hoping that motivation and enthusiasm return ten fold ... but if next term I am not able to 'turn myself around' then I will have to consider seriously what on earth I am going to do.

 On the Outside

Geometric Lines

Feather Grass

I've just come back from a walk and particularly liked these grasses. They remind me of feathers and look and feel very soft. One of the many wonders of nature.

Allotments in Plymouth

I think I've decided to focus on Allotments for my Formal Intervention Assignment. I first looked at Mario Guacomelli's work and liked the lines and shapes of his farm land images, but unfortunately I couldn't find the land I was looking for around Plymouth. Then I considered Tree Carvings which fascinate me .. how people, especially young lovers, like to carve their intials and hearts on the barks of the trees. But using a Medium Format Camera, I wasnt able to get the clear shots I wanted. I'm not familiar enough with the camera yet to shoot a good depth of field image. So then I thought about Allotments in the City. My neighbour kindly lent me his key and after taking a walk around the Allotment, I thought this might make a good subject for my work.

.

Cothele

This year at college we are using Medium and Large Format Film. I borrowed a Hasslblad from Stores yesterday and today I shot a film .... I took my time and hope that I might have had some success. But I wont know until the film is developed so after I finshied the film I shot a few images with my digital.

I'm doing a Healing Class at Unity House ... I wasn't sure if I was taking on too much adding to my work load at college ... but I'm glad I'm doing it as its really lovely. We have relaxation and meditation at the beginning which takes all the stress of college away... at least for a little while. I'm also thinking that it is an option that I can take in the future. At the moment I'm not enjoying college, its really orientated towards young students which is how it should be as they are the ones who have their whole work lives ahead of them. But I enrolled on the course to develop my creativity not because I'm ambitious or competitive ... I'm not either .... I want to try and enjoy it again so maybe my 'angle of repose' needs to change!!! I need to think about my own reasons for doing the course and forget all the stress. Yep ... that's what I need to do.

Here and There .....

                 

Life is a little strange here and there .... college is a little tedius and I'm not enjoying it ... last year I was full of enthusiasm and determination but since we got back this term I'm just not 'feeling it' any more. Maybe its just the beginning ... the first assignment has been to research an artist and to take a self portrait in the style of that artist .... that's the photography .. then there's the Contextual lectures ... that too is about 'The Self' and I'm not finding it at all stimulating. Maybe its difficult to look at 'The Self' objectively and maybe I'm not willing to look at myself  'in context' or any other way. I dont know what it is. I cant give up ....what would I do? I cant go back to working as I did before because that part of my life is over. All I can do is hope that the enthusiasm and motivation does return ... I just hope its soon.

Quiet Confusion



The day had arrived and I was feeling OK until we sat down and Dave announced that we were going to present our work to the whole group ... that's around 70 people! Oh My .... that was it for me ... the nerves kicked in Big Time .... I tried to convince myself that I knew my stuff ... and I did ... I'd done enough research but what I hadn't done was prepare a list of order so that I had something in front of me to prompt me. So my presentation was lets say 'confusing!' I felt disappointed because I know I could have done better but I guess its a lesson for next time. 'Complete Preparation' is the key and next time I am going to be fully prepared.

A Day at Home

We're not in college as there are lots of new students having thier Inductions .... those of us who did the "Extended Degree" year have already been inducted in the cameras and studios... so some time to dedicate to other things.

I've been working of my images for the Music and Pictures Project ... I was in 'the zone' today and I've managed to do the first draft .... I'll take time out now and look at it again later to see what needs changing or re-writing.


I'm not sure what to do next ... I need to organise my photos into the topics wer'e covering ... or I have a Friendship Book to fill in!


Anyway whatever I do I'm enjoying my day .... its a good day to be alive :)

Bridge Repair and Maintenance

As I wrote the title I wondered what significance this picture holds for me. Walking home across the Tamar Bridge I was quite excited to see people working on it.
Bridges have always held a fascination for me ... they are, for me, one of the engineering wonders of man's creation. They hold messages for me ....they remind me of the film 'A Bridge too Far' (with Alec Guinnes and other great actors) .... they are the steps I take in life ... crossing a bridge, learning something new or recognising that what I've learned has enabled me to cross another bridge .... there are lots of meanings.

As a photographer who's style is that of "Equivalence," I use the landscape and other photographic subjects/objects to 'see' the world and the meaning of life for me..they hold so much intuitive information about what is going on in my life .... that when I look at my images I then have to work out what it was I saw....what it is I am feeling .... what significance the people working on the bridge hold for me and also the bridge itself. So here the people working on the bridge are the continuation of my learning, they are me repairing personality traits which I no longer wish to hold on too, and constantly working to improve myself because thats what I believe life is ... a learning journey where the improvement and nurturing of the self is so very important ... so as it is doubtful that I will reach perfection (!) then the maintenance and repair of body and soul will continue throughout my life.

Trees

One Planet

One World

One Race

One People

One Heart

One Love

One Light

One Thread

One Conciousness

The division of Oneness is impossible .... I am One with a human, a tree, a flower, an animal, the sea, the river, the planet .... all life is made from the same structure .... all humanity and all of nature is the whole which is in proportion to itself. It cannot be divided as we are all born of the same One. Whether you believe in a God or if you are an Aetheist there is only one source that was at the beginning of time. In my opinion Oneness is a truth, a fact.

There is just one 'BIG' problem ...... Humanity cannot agree to forgive eachother.....have compassion for eachother or Love eachother ..... this may take some time .... only then will "Oneness" be complete.

A Visit to Rame Church and Rame Head

I found it was impossible to work this morning .... I hadn't had enough sleep, I'd gone to bed too late and got up too early. It was useless trying to force myself to be 'creative' or to try and think 'intellectually'... it just wasn't happening, so I asked Stan if he wanted to go out for the afternoon.

Stan has been away in Europe travelling for a few months and is back in Plymouth until January ...then he's off again ... this time to Egypt. Its nice to have him home for a while. Stan is a very dear friend and a kindred spirit and I had missed him these past months.

We drove to Rame Church .... I felt as though I was being engulfed by a wonderful warm feeling as we got closer to it ... I felt very peaceful.

I walked into the Church ... renovations are taking place but the workers were having their lunch break ... a timely visit ... no banging to disturb the serenity. I took a few pictures but I didn't have my tripod with me and its been quite dark today ... most of my images are blurred as I had to use a slow shutter speed and my hand isn't steady enough to hold the camera that long! Anyway .... this 11th Century Church has a beautiful atmosphere .... being inside it makes me feel humble and privileged ... its seeped in history and my mind's eye was seeing the hustle and bustle of the monks of old.

There was a note ... a woman had left a message asking for prayers for her partner ... a heart felt message full of love and pain. It seemed a little odd though ... the man she spoke of had passed away back in May but his body was cremated only a few days ago .... but I felt no need to ask why ... I must remember to say a prayer .... it was also a reminder of others not so far from me who have also lost their partners in recent times.

We drove on .... then a walk up to Rame Head .... the wind was quite powerful ... it almost knocked me over a few times ... I held my ground, unsteadily! Stan stood for ages looking out to sea .. a former Marine he has an affinity with those at sea and watched four War Ships leave the Sound ... off to Afghanistan I'm guessing.

I've noticed a change in Stan since he came back .... he is quieter, not as forthright, not so angry, more thoughtful and discerning in his conversation. The journey he is taking is having a profound effect on him .... he is tapping into his 'higher self' and the change is obvious. I wonder how much more he will change as he completes more of his journey ... he has several more countries to visit. He wonders too how it will affect him.

After arriving home ... I'm feeling better, still tired and trying to convince myself to have a nice long bath and an early night so that the work I haven't done today WILL get done tomorrow!

A Random Display ....... :)

Tonight I'll let my pictures do the talking!

Reaching Out

When there is Nothing ..... There is Everything

Getting Away from it all just for a While ....

An Afternoon Out

A couple of Fisher persons (!) on the beach insisted that I take a picture of the fish they caught ... I didn't really want too, it was dead! It just didn't seem right to take a picture of a dead fish in its natural environment ...but they took it out of the bucket, the only catch of the day. Poor thing, I wanted to breathe life back into it but I'm not a miracle worker ... so I took a photo to honour its life.

The Here and The Now

                                                                      In the Present

My thoughts have been consistent with regard to the art work that I was going to create .... my heart has spoken! It tells me that the past is done, it is no longer relevant. I have dealt with it and the important message for me is that the art work of the here and of the now is what I should be concentrating on. I trust my heart and so I have to listen to it.

The note books will be thrown away ... I have no need of them any longer ... I can look at them and feel nothing. I say this in a matter of fact way but actually it is a surprise to me. I have indeed travelled a long way. But the path is clear, and a new road ahead beckons to me. The recognition of this is quite humbling.

I have reached a point in life that holds no fear, no longings for anything that might be, but an acceptance of what is and a contentment that where I am is the right place to be, and what I am doing is the right thing to do.

I feel a Thankyou is necessary. Thankyou.

Words and Fire

I'm trying to make art from my note books and a fire ... so far the inpspiration isn't happening and its not working. I have a few practise shots ... I was reading some of Charlotte Cotton's book this morning ... specifically the chapter on "Something and Nothing" ... my note books arent "nothing" but they are "something" but how to make art out of them ... how to create something meaningful .... how to make them into an art work? Maybe I'm not meant too ... maybe as they are in the past they dont actually mean anything any more?

I was watching "My Grandma's House" last night .... it's a comedy ... last night the main character "the son" was trying to convince his family that the past meant nothing, that it didn't in fact exist, and that the past is only how we perceive it .... so maybe there was a message here for me! If the past doesn't exist then my art wont exist either ...mmmmm....!! :D OR maybe the answer lies in how I perceive it, and how I perceive it is that although there were difficult times within those years, I have taken the positive from the difficulties and made a new and better life .... my art then is the completion of those years and if I do manage to create something then I will have closed the circle and that's a good thing :D

"Chillin"

The Day

The Night

What would an Artist do?

Setting The Scene

I am amazed that the Healing Class has had quite an impact on me. I woke up yesterday feeling that I needed to get rid of old emotions. I have many note books written when I was going through a very intense and emotional time. They have been sitting in a box since I moved house last year, and have felt like a noose around my neck. But I had been reluctant to get rid of them. I guess I just wasn't ready. But when I woke up yesterday, I knew I was now ready to leave all that pain and hurt in the past. I no longer need to hold on to them and I realised that psychologically, they were holding me back. They were always there in the corner of my eye.

I felt that I should do more than just put them in the recycle bin.

Today, when I woke up, I thought about what it means to be an Artist. At college during one lecture session we were asked to think about what defines an Artist. There is no real definition, but if you create and are creative then that's what being an Artist is all about, and if you think of yourself as an Artist and you say that something you have created is Art then you are being an Artist. This is a simple explanation I know, its not my intention to go into a long discussion, I just wanted to think about how I can justify calling myself an Artist because I still have difficulty with this.

Then I thought "well if I am an Artist, what would an Artist do with all these note books?" .... I decided that obviously an Artist would create Art from them. So this is what I'm going to do. I am going to photograph them, attempt some abstract views perhaps and maybe some words; I may record myself setting the scene and take photos of the fire as they burn. This will give me the opportunity to not only create some art work from them but also to say goodbye to them. A cathartic exercise and a liberating one.

I am now going to try and remember to always ask myself ... what would an Artist do? ... this may help me to think of myself as an Artist!

Stretch n' Strum

Stretch

I have managed to fit quite a lot into today! This morning I did think that after my initial enthusiasm that the day was going to go a bit pear shaped ... but I'm happy to say that it didn't!

I decided to attend a 'Body Balance' class at lunch time ...that was quite funny .. I could hardly get into any of the positions but I gave them all a damn good try!  It will take time for this poor ol' body of mine to get back into shape! After the class I thought it might be a good idea to use the swimming pool to stretch my muscles in the hope that tomorrow I don't wake up in total agony! I haven't used a steam room or sauna for years so in I went. Wow! Was it hot in there .. but I could feel the benefits to my skin and managed to sit in for about 10 mins (maybe a bit less!) ... after all that I felt like a new woman!

This evening I attended a Healing Class that I've decided to do. It was lovely ... relaxation and a talk about what we will be doing over the course of the next 12 months. I think I'm going to enjoy it ... I like the thought of using the energies of the divine source to help others heal themselves. At the end of the course I will be a qualified Healer. Its more about listening really than anything else and then if people want 'hands on healing' I can offer it to them. I will need to find a few guinea pigs though! But I know it will open lots of new doors for me and I will continue on my own healing journey.

All this activity is really helping with my creativity and I am full of ideas ... its great!

Strum

Being Me

Standing Tall

Something changed today .... I realised that I can only be the person that I am. I know this is an obvious statement but from today I accept who I am .... the best and the worst. I am no longer going to try to be someone who others want me to be.

I've always berrated myself for being too emotional, too sensitive, for speaking, thinking and feeling from my heart but it is the only way I know how to be.

It doesn't make me weak, it doesn't make me vulnerable, its not a bad thing, in fact it has given me an inner strength that has helped to guide me through the challenges in life; using my intuition makes me more confident about making decisions and it gives me clear bounderies and clarity of mind.

So this is me and this is how I will be from this moment today until all moments in all tomorrows.

                            Spirit                             

Challenges

Renewal

Olive Branch

Actions or Procrastinations ..... and Bridges

How is it that I can spend so much time seemingly doing something and yet really not quite knowing if I am actually doing something! Or am I doing nothing? 

I've sat at this computer for hours today and all the while I have been doing something .... mainly uploading images to websites and filling in the details to accompany them. But this does take up so much of my time that I wonder is it really productive. Am I wasting my time or am I actually doing something worth doing? I dont know!!

My reason for uploading my images to websites is that I hope (maybe blindly) that one day one of my images will be good enough to draw the attention to someone who will drag me into the cache of well respected and great photographers! Am I being idealistic....maybe I am. But my reasoning is that if my work is not 'out there' then no one will discover me! And so I keep trying! It only takes one image at the right time to capture the imagination of one person who is in the right place. Doesn't it?

I only spent an hour or so on the computer yesterday, I went to the Gym in the morning and then for a long walk in the afternoon in search of a subject to photograph. I found what I was looking for. I would put that idea on here but part of me doesn't want to risk having my idea stolen!! How silly is that! I want to make a new book and so I shall keep my idea to myself!

Here are one or two images that I shot while I was out yesterday.

Tamar Bridge(by Road) and Brunel Bridge (by Train)

 Interface between Devon and Cornwall

Rainy Sunday .....

Rainy Sunday indeed ......rainy every day ....is it any surprise that the British constantly talk about the weather ...we just cant help ourselves; we want proper seasonal weather. Rain in April ...yes .....Rain in August ... no thanks.

I didn't go out today. College sent us a letter with an Assignment to complete by the beginning of term, so as its raining again today I thought I might as well get started on it. The artist I've been given is Sir Anthony Van Dyck.

I didnt know anything about him until today, but now I have a little basic knowledge of his life and work. I wouldn't have chosen him to reasearch, but I guess that's the point really .... to familiarise us with Artists we wouldnt otherwise look at. He was, if you dont already know, an influential 17th Century Portrait Artist, commissioned by James 1 to  paint portraits of the Royal Court and Aristocracy. He was born in Antwerp into a wealthy merchant family, apprenticed to Rubens, influenced by Bellini and Founder of the English School of Painting. That's a little of what I've found out today. My next step is to look at the historical context of his work, see if I can find any interesting snippets about his life and study some of his paintings. 

I must admit I would have prefered to research someone a little more exciting .... !

Taking a break from my studies I shot some photos of my work room and the garden during the dry interlude this afternoon. Oh what a intoxicating, invigorating, electrifying day I've had ...... !

Yes, I know I have washing out on the line ....ever the optimist!

Oh and just so you know ..... its still raining!

Saturday Afternoon...The Barbican Shrouded in Mist

Does the day reflect my mood

Or is my mood reflected in the day

If all things are as one,

Then wouldn't it make sense that

I am the day

And the day is me

Life Today

Life today......

This morning I had a date to meet a guy for coffee in town. It was my fifth date. It panned out like all the others. A nice guy, a pleasant hour of company and conversation, but with the same missing ingredient, that elusive 'spark.' I'm getting used to it now. I told myself today to have no expectations, no youthful dreams of a knight in shinning armour, no preconceptions of any kind. It worked in as much as I wasn't disappointed when we met that there was nothing. Its just the way life is sometimes. It was a positive meeting because I knew, and he knew, that we would not see each other again! No tears, no misunderstandings, no feelings hurt on either side. Just acceptance. So that was that.

Home then to catch up  with my friends on line. My daughter wanted me to drop her at her friend's house, they are going to the movies and then bowling, so that's what I did.

After dropping her off, I went to the gym to get my 'fix' of endorphins.

Then home again. I wrote a poem on Interpals, not a good poem, I dont really have any talent for poetry writing but I wrote it anyway. The emotion of my poem was of annoyance. I deleted my smiling photos as I am growing more annoyed with messages of 'you have a lovely smile'....bullshit! Its not that I dont think I have a lovely smile, I do :D hehe!!! But it can become tiresome when there is so much more inside than what the smile tells on the outside. But no matter.....I've got it out of my system now and maybe, just maybe those messages will stop.

The evening is young but tonight I am alone so I will probably now have a nice hot shower, watch a little tv, chat to a friend on line.....that's it really....then bed! Not exciting but not life threatening either, so I thank my wise old friend in the higher realms who cares for me in my warm and safe haven and count my blessings....there are many in the world who do not have what I have.

Peace Garden on The Hoe, Plymouth

"May Peace Prevail on All the Earth"

Flavour Fest

There's a "Flavour Fest" in town! Lots of lovely food and a Kitchen Theatre. Grabbed myself a Crepe and Italian Coffee......very nice it was too :)

THe First Step....To a Pure Heart

This year I have gained weight....normally I put a few pounds on over the Winter months but once Spring arrives it drops off naturally because I don't need the 'comfort' food anymore to keep warm!......well thats my excuse!  But being at college as opposed to at work this past year, I've been sitting down more and not making the effort to excersise so..today was the first spep to returning to my normal weight and being able to fit into my clothes again! I cant afford to buy new clothes and I feel uncomfortable carrying around this extra weight so action was required!!

I'm not a fan of the gym but I've been thinking about it for a while and today I gritted my teeth and walked in!  To my surprise I actually enjoyed it so I'll be going again.

Later on today I walked to the corner shop to buy some milk, there were two women in the que before me, one of them glanced at me wearing leggins (!) and pointed to a poster they had just put up in the shop. They're starting a Dance Class in September and have a 'Taster Session' next Thursday which they invited me along too!

So I guess today, the Cosmos was encouraging me to 'strutt my stuff!!' The Dance Class is on an evening and at a time I can attend.  I had looked for a Dance Class last year but could'nt find one to fit in with my life.

I'm looking forward to getting those endorphins dancing around my body! So maybe I will have some fun while I'm studying hard for my Degree....Thank You xxx : D

KARATE KID.... JACKIE CHAN....JADEN SMITH

These Images are from Jackie Chan's FaceBook page

Premiere Night in Tokyo

I loved this movie....the legend that is Jackie Chan never lets you down and the beautiful young actor, Jayden Smith a delight to watch on the big screen.

Its a classic goodies/baddies tale and I really loathed the baddy...so ugly and so nasty....I really wanted to "BOO" him off the screen! I get very involved when I'm watching a movie so I felt every blow and winced when my hero got hurt!!

Anyway....I'd better not say any more.....some are of the opinion that you can never remake an old classic...they say its just not the same....but I remember the origianl Karate Kid and this new movie takes nothing away from the original. It has its own modern take on the story and I for one thought it was brilliant.

I saw it with my children and we were all enthralled by it.....captured by the beauty of it.....involved with the emotion of it and enjoying every minute.

Newquay

Making the most of a disappointing day.....