Quiet Confusion



The day had arrived and I was feeling OK until we sat down and Dave announced that we were going to present our work to the whole group ... that's around 70 people! Oh My .... that was it for me ... the nerves kicked in Big Time .... I tried to convince myself that I knew my stuff ... and I did ... I'd done enough research but what I hadn't done was prepare a list of order so that I had something in front of me to prompt me. So my presentation was lets say 'confusing!' I felt disappointed because I know I could have done better but I guess its a lesson for next time. 'Complete Preparation' is the key and next time I am going to be fully prepared.

A Day at Home

We're not in college as there are lots of new students having thier Inductions .... those of us who did the "Extended Degree" year have already been inducted in the cameras and studios... so some time to dedicate to other things.

I've been working of my images for the Music and Pictures Project ... I was in 'the zone' today and I've managed to do the first draft .... I'll take time out now and look at it again later to see what needs changing or re-writing.


I'm not sure what to do next ... I need to organise my photos into the topics wer'e covering ... or I have a Friendship Book to fill in!


Anyway whatever I do I'm enjoying my day .... its a good day to be alive :)

Bridge Repair and Maintenance

As I wrote the title I wondered what significance this picture holds for me. Walking home across the Tamar Bridge I was quite excited to see people working on it.
Bridges have always held a fascination for me ... they are, for me, one of the engineering wonders of man's creation. They hold messages for me ....they remind me of the film 'A Bridge too Far' (with Alec Guinnes and other great actors) .... they are the steps I take in life ... crossing a bridge, learning something new or recognising that what I've learned has enabled me to cross another bridge .... there are lots of meanings.

As a photographer who's style is that of "Equivalence," I use the landscape and other photographic subjects/objects to 'see' the world and the meaning of life for me..they hold so much intuitive information about what is going on in my life .... that when I look at my images I then have to work out what it was I saw....what it is I am feeling .... what significance the people working on the bridge hold for me and also the bridge itself. So here the people working on the bridge are the continuation of my learning, they are me repairing personality traits which I no longer wish to hold on too, and constantly working to improve myself because thats what I believe life is ... a learning journey where the improvement and nurturing of the self is so very important ... so as it is doubtful that I will reach perfection (!) then the maintenance and repair of body and soul will continue throughout my life.

Trees

One Planet

One World

One Race

One People

One Heart

One Love

One Light

One Thread

One Conciousness

The division of Oneness is impossible .... I am One with a human, a tree, a flower, an animal, the sea, the river, the planet .... all life is made from the same structure .... all humanity and all of nature is the whole which is in proportion to itself. It cannot be divided as we are all born of the same One. Whether you believe in a God or if you are an Aetheist there is only one source that was at the beginning of time. In my opinion Oneness is a truth, a fact.

There is just one 'BIG' problem ...... Humanity cannot agree to forgive eachother.....have compassion for eachother or Love eachother ..... this may take some time .... only then will "Oneness" be complete.

A Visit to Rame Church and Rame Head

I found it was impossible to work this morning .... I hadn't had enough sleep, I'd gone to bed too late and got up too early. It was useless trying to force myself to be 'creative' or to try and think 'intellectually'... it just wasn't happening, so I asked Stan if he wanted to go out for the afternoon.

Stan has been away in Europe travelling for a few months and is back in Plymouth until January ...then he's off again ... this time to Egypt. Its nice to have him home for a while. Stan is a very dear friend and a kindred spirit and I had missed him these past months.

We drove to Rame Church .... I felt as though I was being engulfed by a wonderful warm feeling as we got closer to it ... I felt very peaceful.

I walked into the Church ... renovations are taking place but the workers were having their lunch break ... a timely visit ... no banging to disturb the serenity. I took a few pictures but I didn't have my tripod with me and its been quite dark today ... most of my images are blurred as I had to use a slow shutter speed and my hand isn't steady enough to hold the camera that long! Anyway .... this 11th Century Church has a beautiful atmosphere .... being inside it makes me feel humble and privileged ... its seeped in history and my mind's eye was seeing the hustle and bustle of the monks of old.

There was a note ... a woman had left a message asking for prayers for her partner ... a heart felt message full of love and pain. It seemed a little odd though ... the man she spoke of had passed away back in May but his body was cremated only a few days ago .... but I felt no need to ask why ... I must remember to say a prayer .... it was also a reminder of others not so far from me who have also lost their partners in recent times.

We drove on .... then a walk up to Rame Head .... the wind was quite powerful ... it almost knocked me over a few times ... I held my ground, unsteadily! Stan stood for ages looking out to sea .. a former Marine he has an affinity with those at sea and watched four War Ships leave the Sound ... off to Afghanistan I'm guessing.

I've noticed a change in Stan since he came back .... he is quieter, not as forthright, not so angry, more thoughtful and discerning in his conversation. The journey he is taking is having a profound effect on him .... he is tapping into his 'higher self' and the change is obvious. I wonder how much more he will change as he completes more of his journey ... he has several more countries to visit. He wonders too how it will affect him.

After arriving home ... I'm feeling better, still tired and trying to convince myself to have a nice long bath and an early night so that the work I haven't done today WILL get done tomorrow!

A Random Display ....... :)

Tonight I'll let my pictures do the talking!

Reaching Out

When there is Nothing ..... There is Everything

Getting Away from it all just for a While ....

An Afternoon Out

A couple of Fisher persons (!) on the beach insisted that I take a picture of the fish they caught ... I didn't really want too, it was dead! It just didn't seem right to take a picture of a dead fish in its natural environment ...but they took it out of the bucket, the only catch of the day. Poor thing, I wanted to breathe life back into it but I'm not a miracle worker ... so I took a photo to honour its life.

The Here and The Now

                                                                      In the Present

My thoughts have been consistent with regard to the art work that I was going to create .... my heart has spoken! It tells me that the past is done, it is no longer relevant. I have dealt with it and the important message for me is that the art work of the here and of the now is what I should be concentrating on. I trust my heart and so I have to listen to it.

The note books will be thrown away ... I have no need of them any longer ... I can look at them and feel nothing. I say this in a matter of fact way but actually it is a surprise to me. I have indeed travelled a long way. But the path is clear, and a new road ahead beckons to me. The recognition of this is quite humbling.

I have reached a point in life that holds no fear, no longings for anything that might be, but an acceptance of what is and a contentment that where I am is the right place to be, and what I am doing is the right thing to do.

I feel a Thankyou is necessary. Thankyou.

Words and Fire

I'm trying to make art from my note books and a fire ... so far the inpspiration isn't happening and its not working. I have a few practise shots ... I was reading some of Charlotte Cotton's book this morning ... specifically the chapter on "Something and Nothing" ... my note books arent "nothing" but they are "something" but how to make art out of them ... how to create something meaningful .... how to make them into an art work? Maybe I'm not meant too ... maybe as they are in the past they dont actually mean anything any more?

I was watching "My Grandma's House" last night .... it's a comedy ... last night the main character "the son" was trying to convince his family that the past meant nothing, that it didn't in fact exist, and that the past is only how we perceive it .... so maybe there was a message here for me! If the past doesn't exist then my art wont exist either ...mmmmm....!! :D OR maybe the answer lies in how I perceive it, and how I perceive it is that although there were difficult times within those years, I have taken the positive from the difficulties and made a new and better life .... my art then is the completion of those years and if I do manage to create something then I will have closed the circle and that's a good thing :D

"Chillin"

The Day

The Night

What would an Artist do?

Setting The Scene

I am amazed that the Healing Class has had quite an impact on me. I woke up yesterday feeling that I needed to get rid of old emotions. I have many note books written when I was going through a very intense and emotional time. They have been sitting in a box since I moved house last year, and have felt like a noose around my neck. But I had been reluctant to get rid of them. I guess I just wasn't ready. But when I woke up yesterday, I knew I was now ready to leave all that pain and hurt in the past. I no longer need to hold on to them and I realised that psychologically, they were holding me back. They were always there in the corner of my eye.

I felt that I should do more than just put them in the recycle bin.

Today, when I woke up, I thought about what it means to be an Artist. At college during one lecture session we were asked to think about what defines an Artist. There is no real definition, but if you create and are creative then that's what being an Artist is all about, and if you think of yourself as an Artist and you say that something you have created is Art then you are being an Artist. This is a simple explanation I know, its not my intention to go into a long discussion, I just wanted to think about how I can justify calling myself an Artist because I still have difficulty with this.

Then I thought "well if I am an Artist, what would an Artist do with all these note books?" .... I decided that obviously an Artist would create Art from them. So this is what I'm going to do. I am going to photograph them, attempt some abstract views perhaps and maybe some words; I may record myself setting the scene and take photos of the fire as they burn. This will give me the opportunity to not only create some art work from them but also to say goodbye to them. A cathartic exercise and a liberating one.

I am now going to try and remember to always ask myself ... what would an Artist do? ... this may help me to think of myself as an Artist!

Stretch n' Strum

Stretch

I have managed to fit quite a lot into today! This morning I did think that after my initial enthusiasm that the day was going to go a bit pear shaped ... but I'm happy to say that it didn't!

I decided to attend a 'Body Balance' class at lunch time ...that was quite funny .. I could hardly get into any of the positions but I gave them all a damn good try!  It will take time for this poor ol' body of mine to get back into shape! After the class I thought it might be a good idea to use the swimming pool to stretch my muscles in the hope that tomorrow I don't wake up in total agony! I haven't used a steam room or sauna for years so in I went. Wow! Was it hot in there .. but I could feel the benefits to my skin and managed to sit in for about 10 mins (maybe a bit less!) ... after all that I felt like a new woman!

This evening I attended a Healing Class that I've decided to do. It was lovely ... relaxation and a talk about what we will be doing over the course of the next 12 months. I think I'm going to enjoy it ... I like the thought of using the energies of the divine source to help others heal themselves. At the end of the course I will be a qualified Healer. Its more about listening really than anything else and then if people want 'hands on healing' I can offer it to them. I will need to find a few guinea pigs though! But I know it will open lots of new doors for me and I will continue on my own healing journey.

All this activity is really helping with my creativity and I am full of ideas ... its great!

Strum